Day 18 - Your beliefs.

This is too easy...'classic': gives a positive spin on 'old'
My personal beliefs:-Everything must be Googled-Sleep is important (and I should be doing it right now)-Loyalty, oblivion, ennui, and other cool-sounding words

Day 17 - Your highs and lows of this past year.

Highs:
College!
My cat
Seeing one of my oldest friends (and her new puppy!)
Snow
Good movies/TV shows/books
Some people

Lows:
The void
The crunch (or lack thereof)
Not going anywhere all summer for the 6th(?) year in a row
Heat, and the day-long flight delay which prevented me from getting out of Texas on what was a record-setting day.
Other people

Look! He's got people legs.

Day 16 - Something on someone's facebook that makes you cringe.

This is dumb. And it happens to be on the one day when I haven't encountered anything particularly cringe-worthy on Facebook - that's not to say there's nothing worthy of a good cringe - but I've developed partial immunity against most things - Farmville, "I love you so much, I love you more" back and forth conversations that invade my news feed, "God is great, God is good, we all love God, and if you don't you should!" type statuses, TiNGz sPeLleD LyK DiS, "I am shopping. I am driving. I am taking a shit." (ie every detail of one's life statuses), etc etc.

This made me cringe in a good way:

Day 15 - Your favorite movie and what it’s about.

I have absolutely no idea whatsoever what to write about. I love a lot of movies! I could go with something from my childhood, like Indiana Jones or Shrek, The Lion King, Artificial Intelligence, Kill Bill...or something I've gotten into more recently. A friend of mine introduced me to David Lynch (Blue Velvet, Mulholland Dr.) and Stanley Kubrick (although I'd seen the Shining before, since I really like Stephen King) and Akira Kurosawa (I recently saw Ran), all of which were fantastic! But I think I want to talk about Gaspar Noé, who I discovered while surfing the Internet over the summer, and is not necessarily my favorite, but has some really poignant, highly disturbing films. Irreversible is his most famous, but the one which really made an impact on me (read: depressed the shit out of me) was Seul Contre Tous (in English: I Stand Alone). 

It's the type of movie that immediately grabs you by the throat and doesn't let you breathe until it's over.

This is a sequel to a short film Noé previously made called Carne, but you don't have to have seen it because its plot is summarized in the first few minutes of the movie. Anyway, the whole thing is about a butcher - a horse butcher - who's had a really difficult life - he was an orphan, had to start making a living at a very young age, wasn't very educated, so he became a butcher's apprentice, slowly working his way up until he finally got his own shop. A one-night-stand led to the birth of his daughter, who was mute, and her mother left shortly after she was born. He took care of her to the best of his abilities, but got arrested for stabbing a worker who he thought had raped her. So the movie begins; he's just gotten out of prison, lost his shop, has no money, nowhere to go, so he decides to begin life anew. He leaves his daughter and marries an annoying fat cow he detests because she promises to buy him a new store, and impregnates her. Throughout the entire movie, there is a voiceover of his thoughts, which is the main reason I like it so much; in truth, he does and thinks some terrible things (I don't want to give away too much), but at the same time, the audience is forced to empathize with him, because at the root of all the monstrous things he does, there is something very human - a fundamental pain brought about by his unfortunate life, the cruelty of society, which in the end for me makes him less detestable. Pitied, even. It's very strange, having empathy for a murderer, a rapist. Clearly, it's a very heavy movie, but the fact it's so engrossing is part of what makes it brilliant.


Here's a little textual preview (taken from the subtitles, mostly the butcher's thoughts):


"Death opens no doors.
In the end death is nothing special.
Everyone makes a big deal out of it.
But from a close view
It's nothing serious.


A lifeless body, that's all.
People are just like animals.
You love them,
you bury them, that's it.


Even though this is the
first time I see it.
Evidently it's her first time too.
She sure looks devastated.


While it's so damn boring.
Ok, I'll take her home.
She sure looks fragile.
And pretty cute, too.


Let me walk you home.
She reminds me of my daughter.
My Cynthia.
She must be very lonely
wherever she is now.
Come.


But loneliness means nothing.
Living with a guy or a girl
or even with kids...
...but you're still alone.
I'm alone.
And so is she.
We are born alone,
live our lives alone and die alone.


Alone, forever alone.
Even when fucking we're alone.
Alone with our body
Alone with our life...


...which is like a tunnel,
impossible to share.
Over the years it only gets worse...
...only leaving memories of a life
that's slowly deteriorating.


Look, Mrs Fabienne.
What is she doing here?
Damn, we're there already.


Strange... whenever I like a girl,
I mess it up.
Even when they want me.
She definitely does.


But I bet she has a boyfriend.
All girls have boyfriends somewhere.
Life is a tunnel. Everyone has his
own little tunnel.
Only there is no light at the end.
It is a void.
Even memories will be gone.


The old people do know this.
They live a simple life...
...they have small pensions
and a small grave.


And it's all completely useless.
Even having children.
When you're old and poor
they will put you in a home...
...to let you suffer in silence.


They don't care.
They don't love their parents.
It's a myth. You only love your
mother when she feeds you.


And your father when he gives you money.
Once her breasts are all
dried out...
...or when your father's pockets
are empty, better put them away...
...and hope they'll die a
quick and cheap death.
It's the law of life.


Only when there's an inheritance
the children pretend to be nice.
But for a fridge or TV there is
no need to play nice guy.


Maybe just the bare minimum,
for ease of mind.
Call them every other month...
...a couple of tears at the funeral
and you've done your duty.


Love and friendship. It's all
full of shit
Illusions from your youth...
to cover up the fact...
that all human relationships
are redundant.


Sure friendship and love are useful,
only when they're beneficiary .
Reality is much more corrupted.


You love your mother because she
feeds you so you stay alive.
Your friend because he helps you get
a job so you stay alive.


Your wife because she cooks for you
and relieves you of your sperm...
...and gives you children
to look after you when you're old...
...and afraid to die.


But punish your child once
and it'll retaliate when you're old.
The punishment...
...will be their tool.
When they put you in a home...
...that will be their excuse to
hide their disinterest...
...that we all have
towards our up bringers.


No, I don't like the baby they're
trying to let me have.
And I'm sure the baby
will think the same.


No, fucking is definitely
misunderstood.
It's even damn expensive.
But well, it's a pastime.


When you don't want to fuck no more
that's when you know your time is up.
And that it's all been the
same in this life.


Merely a reproduction code
that's been imprinted on us...
...that we think we should obey.


Thanks.


Being born against your will. Eat.
Wave your dick around.
Make new life. Die.


Life is one big void. It's always been
and it'll always be.
A large void that can do
just fine without me.


I don't want to play that game
anymore. not in this life.
I want to experience something personal,
something intense.
I don't want to be the final replaceable
part of a giant machine.


The day I die I want to
have done more...
...than the shit millions of fuckers
have done together.
Look at it like this...
...every sucker's done the same things
that I did.


I don't know.
I must find a reason...
...an excuse or what ever
to find the motivation...
...to go on another 20 years.
Until I die.


Should I start my life all over
I'd want to make porn movies.
It's all clear.
The people who do that...
...understand the human race.


Either you're born with a cock
which has to be...
...a big hard dick
filling snatches.
Or you're born with a pussy
which has to be filled with cock.


In both scenarios you'll still be alone.
Yeah, I'm a dick.
That's it.


I'm a sad, sad dick...
...and to earn some respect
I must be hard all the time.
But with the fat cow
I can't do it anymore.


I'd rather take
the old tart.


Or a threesome.
Me, Mother, Daughter.
I bet they'd like it too,
those perverted sluts.


Both getting a good fucking
on daddy's bed.
Cow would freak out."
~Seul Contre Tous


Heavy shit. Deranged, even. But who wouldn't be with that kind of background? The scary part is, I'm afraid, that there is some truth in some of it.

As a little bonus (and to show that my interests range quite a bit beyond crazy butchers), here is a list of my favorite TV shows::
The Mighty Boosh
The IT Crowd
South Park
The Simpsons
Star Trek: The Next Generation

Yup.

Day 14 - Your earliest memory.

I believe I was three, and bored out of my mind, as is usually the case when my mom takes me shopping. I wanted to go to the park, and climb "the drums" as I called it, which was basically a steel rod with flat round steps protruding from it. Very drumlike in appearance to my three-year-old self. Meanwhile, my mom and I were waiting in line to pay for our purchases, after which to the park we would go! But I couldn't wait any longer. Every second I wasn't at the top of those drums felt like an eternity of wasted opportunities. The minute she let go of my hand to get her wallet from her purse, I quietly bolted out of the store and headed to my destination (a few blocks away), until I got to the top of those drums, on top of the world! The park was completely empty except for some random old gypsy man raking hay into a wagon the distance, and maybe half an hour had passed when I started to get bored, worried, and I wanted my mommy (why hadn't she come to the park like she'd promised? What if she'd gotten abducted?). Next thing I know, an acquaintance of my mom's was pulling me hard by the ear and yelling at me about how I'd completely scared the shit out of my mom, she'd started running around the entire city looking for me, and apparently in the process had gathered a sizable search party of friends and acquaintances. I don't really remember the tearful reunion (I assume it was tearful because my ear really hurt) but I do remember it had been a nice day, a perfect day at the park.

Day 13 - 5 things that irritate you about the opposite sex.

It's rather difficult to attribute an entire host of character traits to a gender without being overly stereotypical, but here goes:
1. Machismo. I even hate the word.
2. The tendency to think with the wrong head.
3. Love games (Quoth a male acquaintance: "Girls like it when the guy they like flirts with other girls.")
4. Overaggressiveness
5. Refusal to acknowledge any emotional inconveniences, allowing them to fester until something minor becomes a huge deal (although this might be in order to avoid arguments)

And now for something positive(ly fangirl)

Day 12 - Bullet your whole day.

2:00 - I fall asleep listening to Loveline
9:00 - Phone alarm goes off; I set alarm for 9:05AM
9:10 - I get up, shower, brush teeth, get dressed, etc.
10:04 - I leave dorm for my 10:10 class
10:15 - I enter my 10:10 class, Psychology 1101, which usually has 1000 people to find about 30. The professor sits on a stool and regales us with stories about running into past students all over the world (he's had over 65,000) in strange places, such as while twirling lingerie in a store. I ask him how to fix my sleep schedule and he gives us tips about sleep and selling books, and talks about being on Oprah/Good Morning America. In the end he gives each of us a Macintosh apple (no, not that kind) from the orchards as thanks for showing up.
11:07 - I enter my 11:15 class (Astronomy 1101) to find it even more devoid of people (there are about 5).
11:16 - Nobody else shows up so I figure class is canceled. I go back to dorm.
11:23 - I run into people and follow them to lunch. One of them is writing a 50,000 word story because apparently November is write a 50,000 word story month (I wish I'd known).
12:00 - I nonchalantly smuggle two cookies, an apple, and a banana from dining hall as Thanksgiving break rations. I take them to dorm room.
12:15 - I arrive for 12:20 class (E&M discussion); it's empty. Eventually two more people show up, then TA shows up and gives us the choice of a) playing physics games b) playing non-physics games c) explaining physics to us or d) leaving. I ask if we can get class participation points and leave. He gives us chocolate and class participation points and we leave.
12:20 - I announce my freedom to my parents (my parental call of the day)
12:35 - I wander around hallway making note of who has left (mostly everyone).
13:00 - I fall asleep while on the computer (just like every other day)
13:40 - Mom calls me. We talk about nothing in particular (second parental call of the day).
13:50 - I go to dining hall to smuggle more food for later. I take the last bagel, and eat an egg-salad sandwich.
14:20 - I surf the Internet, write a blog at some point, Facebook chat people, listen to music, watch Sailor Moon
16:50 - Dad calls me. We mostly talk about same nothings as with mom (third parental call of the day).
17:00 and onward: I watch Arrested Development.
18:30 - I eat entire Thanksgiving break rations, and a bowl of Cocoa Puffs (or is it Coco Roos?).
23:00 - I blog about my day.

Riveting.

Reflection Rant

I like to consider myself a rational person, but no matter how hard I think about it, my mind comes to the same conclusion: this is impossible. As much as I keep trying, subjective matters cannot be molded into something more objective, and the objectivity of those things I believe to be objective is questionable. Theoretically, the best way to examine anything is from as many different points of view as possible. But in the end, I have a very limited supply. My rationale on things is derived foremostly from empiricism, which, in theory, should be a good thing (scientific method and all that) but therein lies a vicious cycle - my own bias. Everything I see, I see through a brain-lens. My 'empirical observations' are actually twisted by my own beliefs, and I find proof in what I already think I know in something which is not necessarily indicative of that thing.

Thus, because I am me and me alone, the more I think about things, the less I can know about them, as they are narrowed and shaped into puzzle pieces that fit my particular puzzle. This, in turn, also limits my emotional range, which one would think leads to greater rationality, but that might be completely wrong as well, since it was probably some emotion at the base of a rational idea. Emotions are unreliable, it's just a flip of a switch in the brain, the sending of a neuron from one synapse to another, the release of a hormone. Yet they are so powerful. It's pathetic to think that one's entire carefully constructed fortress of beliefs, their entire personality, can be so easily swayed, how one person completely transforms into another, but poor Phineas Gage with the tube through his brain, or Homer Simpson with the crayon which went too far up his nose, have shown us that this is exactly the case.

 

          Phineas                                          Homer

So, if it is impossible to be rational, and it's necessary to undermine emotions in order to retain control of one's own mind (ie believing that, as emotions are irrelevant, the pursuit of happiness is irrelevant, and life is negligible), then it becomes necessary to accept things as they appear to be (empirically, emotionally, rationally, in the middle ground where the three become one and the same). Therefore, I cannot be blamed or asked to change, if, for example, I believe that people were born to be polygamous based on my observations of most long-term relationships (with some exceptions), or if I perceive depth of thought in sadness and the darker emotions, or if I feel that loneliness, for me, must be a way of life, because I'm used to it, regardless of whether I am alone or surrounded by other people.

Yet psychologists are always going on about minimizing negativity, being happy, as the most important facet of a person's life. The pursuit of happiness is our supposed goal, from the time we're thrown into grade school, through finding a job, making sure we get enough sleep, staying healthy, saving money, having a family, house, retirement. Well, I don't want to be told what the best way to feel is. I much prefer the delusion of rationality, having a stable mind, a stable belief system, to that of being happy, feeling good. Because, even though my rationality is unreliable, imperfect, maybe downright wrong, it is far more static; In a single day, a person can experience an entire synesthetic rainbow of emotional ups and downs, but having the foundation of thought underneath means there is always a secure place to return to.

I often wonder, but I can't figure it out... if there is some sort of wisdom in trying to equally explore and appreciate the gamut of human emotion and experience (both negative and positive), then might it not be even more wise, assuming life is negligible, to just seek out what feels good? Perhaps the wisest philosophy would be to bypass all thought altogether and rely on instinct, happiness provided when base needs are met (it seems to work well for my cat) and, in this way, instead of the rationality delusion, follow the pursuit of happiness delusion, which, I think, is best achieved with simplicity. They, whoever they might be, say how a person views the world comes from within, and maybe trying to find a rational perspective, because it's impossible for a human, is the wrong way to go; it doesn't lead to happiness, not by my rationale, anyway, but rather to an acceptance of the bad as well as the good, which I also appreciate.

I forgot what point I was trying to make, if any, so I'll just leave it at that.

How Lady Gaga Ripped Off The Mighty Boosh

Exhibit A:

Black Frost

Red Frost VMA Gaga

Exhibit B:

"Love games?
Do you love me? Are you playing your love games with me?
I just wanna know what to do 'cause I need your love a lot
Oh come on now
Do you love me? Are you playing your love games with me?
I just wanna know what to do 'cause I need your love a lot
Oh come on now" - Love Games - Old Gregg

"Let's play a love game,
Play a love game
Do you want love or you want fame?
Are you in the game?
Dans le love game?" - Love Game - Lady Gaga

And...that's all I got.

Compelling, isn't it? :)

Day 11 - Put your ipod on shuffle and write 10 songs that pop up.

I don't own an ipod. Back in the day, I opted for one of these instead:

Dell Axim x51v- if used to its full potential (624MHz CPU/64MB RAM) plays almost any music/video format, SNES/GBA/PlayStation emulator, Internet browser with Flash support, unlimited storage space (in the form of SD/CF cards), Wi-Fi, Bluetooth, Skype, and an array of many other games/apps. Now dated by the standards of the latest smartphones (Snapdragon's a beast), but still much better than an ipod/iphone, in my 'umble opinion. P.S. I am NOT a hipster (at least I don't think I am).

However, since I'm currently on the computer and the majority of my music is on my external hard drive, and good ol' Gizmo is sitting an entire 5 feet away from me, I will put what I have of my music library on shuffle instead.

1. A New Machine (Part 1) - Pink Floyd

2. Wouldn't It Be Nice - The Beach Boys 

3. Animal - R.E.M

4. Fifty Ways to Leave Your Lover - Simon and Garfunkel

5. Comfort Eagle - Cake

6. Save Me - Queen

7. Spiders - System of a Down

8. Fuel - Metallica

9. Friday Night - Girl Talk

10. Pump It Up - Girl Talk 

WTF, 2 in a row? I barely even listen to Girl Talk...This calls for more musics!!!! (yeah, that's right...I'm rebelling against my blog post topic...I'm out of controoool)!!!

11. Imate Li Vino? - ? Bulgarian Folk song (tr. Do You Have Wine?)

12. Julia Dream - Pink Floyd

13. Feels Like The First Time - Foreigner

14. Pipni Me Tuk - Rumaneca & Enchev (tr. Touch Me Here)

15. Alpha Beta Gaga - Air

16. Holier Than Thou - Metallica

17. I'm a Boy - The Who

18. Come Alive - Foo Fighters

19. Are You a Hypnotist? - Flaming Lips

20. We Will Rock You - Queen

21. Whole Lotta Rosie - ACDC

22. With Goth On Our Side - Half Man Half Biscuit

23. I Love You (Because You Look Like Jim Reeves) - Half Man Half Biscuit

24. Jack The Ripper - The White Stripes

25. Just Like A Woman - Bob Dylan

26. Stupid Car - Radiohead

27. Main Theme of Final Fantasy VII - Nobuo Uematsu

28. Neka Me Boli - Slavi Trifonov (tr. Let It Hurt Me)

29. Pinball Wizard - The Who

30. Gold Lion - Yeah Yeah Yeahs

31. Friends Will Be Friends - Queen

32. Haxan - Trentemøller

33. Pop Is Dead - Radiohead

34. You Better You Bet - The Who

35. Wearing The Inside Out - Pink Floyd

36. Doctor Robert - The Beatles

37. Quadrophenia - The Who

38. Magic's In The Makeup - No Doubt

39. Operator - The Grateful Dead

40. Careful With That Axe, Eugene - Pink Floyd

41. Supermassive Black Hole - Muse

42. Black Dog - Led Zeppelin

43. Wasting My Time - The White Stripes

44. Cry Baby - Janis Joplin

45. Eat Him By His Own Light - Jonny Greenwood

46. Rain Day Women #12 & 35 - Bob Dylan

47. End It On This - No Doubt

48. Well It's True That We Love One Another  - The White Stripes

49. Thank You - Led Zeppelin

50. Cajesukarije Cocek - Goran Bregovic

51. Oppressed People - Nobuo Uematsu

52. Grace Is Gone - Dave Matthews Band

53. Love Reign O'er Me - The Who

54. Jacqueline - Franz Ferdinand

55. Dyulmano, Dyulbero - Le Mystère Des Voix Bulgares

56. The Show Must Go On - Pink Floyd

57. The Fairy Feller's Master-Stroke - Queen

58. Cirrus Minor - Pink Floyd

59. Take a Bow - Muse

60. Business Time - Flight of the Conchords

61. Electricityscape - The Strokes

62. Now I'm Here - Queen

63. Bat Man - The Who

64. Kill Rock 'n Roll - System of a Down

65. Revolution Rock - The Clash

66. Welcome - The Who

67. Behind Blue Eyes - The Who

68. Bike - Pink Floyd

69. Devojko Mari Hubava - The Rhodopi Ensemble

70. Under Pressure - Queen & David Bowie

71. Dimitar, My Son, Dimitar - ?

72. Snowblind - System of a Down

73. All The Way to Reno - R.E.M

74. Loretta Young Silks - Sneaker Pimps

75.  The Bewlay Brothers - David Bowie

76. The Winner - Nobuo Uematsu

77. Eddie - Rocky Horror Picture Show

78. Svatba - Le Mystere Des Voix Bulgares (tr. Wedding)

79. Dumb - Nirvana

80. Stranger Than Fishin - NOFX

81. Feelin' Satisfied - Boston

82. Climbing Up The Walls - Radiohead

83. Sailor - Sneaker Pimps

84. Could You Be Loved - Bob Marley

85. Spit It Out - IAMX

86. Raven - Dave Matthews Band

87. Free Me - Foo Fighters

88. Forever - Queen

89. Turn It Up - Robots In Disguise

90. No Phone - Cake

91. Vsiaka Pesen E Lubov - Diana Ekspres (tr. Every Song Is Love)

92. I Belong To You (Mon Coeur S'ouvre A Ta Voix) - Muse

93. Zemjo Makedonska - Makedonski Merak

94. Grace - Jeff Buckley

95. Fickle Cycle - Animal Collective

96. Punk - Gorillaz

97. Let It Be - The Beatles

98. Life Begins At The Hop - XTC

99. I Can Make You A Man - Rocky Horror Picture Show

100. Nitemare Hippy Girl - Beck

101. Ave Maria - Donnie Darko Soundtrack

102. Baba O'Reily - The Who

103. Cut - The Cure

104. Forest - System of a Down

105. Gnik Nus - The Beatles

106. Cid's Theme - Nobuo Uematsu

107. Nothing Compares 2 U - Sinead O'Connor

108. Blandest - Nirvana

109. Epilogue - Patrick Wolf

110. Get Back - The Beatles

111. Violent Pornography - System of a Down

112. Running - IAMX

113. (I Can't Get No) Satisfaction - The Rolling Stones

114. The Stupid, The Proud - IAMX

115. A Spanish Piece - Pink Floyd

116. For Your Life - Led Zeppelin

117. High Hopes - Pink Floyd

118. This Will Make You Love Again - IAMX

119. Derek - Animal Collective

120. I'm Going Home - Rocky Horror Picture Show

121. The Arrival at Tatooine; The Flag Parade - John Williams

122. No Woman No Cry - Bob Marley

123. Carpe Diem Baby - Metallica

124. Arco Arena - Cake

125. Az Sam Gosho Hubaveca - ? (tr. I am Gosho the Handsome) (folk?)

126. No No No - Yeah Yeah Yeahs

127. Megalomania - Muse

128. Meadowlarks - Fleet Foxes

129. Evil - Interpol

130. Too Much Of Anything - The Who

131. Kolko Mi Lipsvash - Karizma (tr. How Much I Miss You)

132. Augie's Great Municipal Band; End Credits - John Williams

133. Duda E Bolna - Le Mystère Des Voix Bulgares (tr. Duda is sick)

134. Say Goodbye - dave Matthews Band

135. Dunavsko Horo

136. Leaf House - Animal Collective

137. Yesterdays - Guns 'N Roses

138. Who Wants To Live Forever - Queen

139. Tommy, Can You Hear Me? - The Who

140. Dokaji Che Mojej - Silvia Kacarova (tr. Prove That You Can)

141. Cluster One - Pink Floyd

142. Darlene - Led Zeppelin

143. Aramii - Orisia

144. Guitar and Pen - The Who

145. Pantala Naga Pampa - Dave Matthews Band

146. Opera Singer - Cake

147. Paranoid Android - Radiohead

148. Down Is The New Up - Radiohead

149. Money - Pink Floyd

150. Qu'est-ce Que Tu Veux - Kahimi Karie

151. Rental Car - Beck

152. Marble House - The Knife

153. Juan Loco - Rodrigo Y Gabriela

154. Another Tricky Day - The Who

155. Crazy Little Thing Called Love - Queen

156. Dying Degree - NOFX

157. Latino Fiesta - Vrabcheta

158. Moan (Vocal Version Featuring Ane Trolle) - Trentemøller

159.  Comfortably Numb - Pink Floyd

160. Rhyme and Reason - Dave Matthews Band

161. Only When I Lose Myself -Depeche Mode

162. Two Step (Live) - Dave Matthews Band

163. The National Anthem - Radiohead

164. Good Vibrations - The Beach Boys

165. Diva Roza - Doni I Momchil

166. Walk On By - Cake

167. Hatredcopter - Dethklok

168. The Alternative - IAMX

169. Bodies Hit The Floor - Girl Talk

170. Hyper Music - Muse

171. One After 909 - The Beatles

172. Who's Cryin' Now - Journey

173. After Every Party I Die - Sneaker Pimps

174. Don't Copy Me - Robots In Disguise

175. Obscured By Clouds - Pink Floyd

176. Jailed - Nobuo Uematsu

177. Come Together - The Beatles

178. Come Away Melinda - Uriah Heep

179. Fiddle About - The Who

180. The Bends - Radiohead

181. Did You See The Words - Animal Collective

182. Killer Kat - Trentemøller

183. Back To The Island - Leon Russell

184. Temporary Like Achilles - Bob Dylan

185. Rock & Roll - Led Zeppelin

186. The Sex Has Made Me Stupid - Robots In Disguise

187. All Eyes On Me - Girl Talk

188. Speechless - Michael Jackson

189. Reckoner - Radiohead

190. Young Lust - Pink Floyd

191. Curl - Sneaker Pimps

192. Waiting - Cake

193. Sekoi Fali - The Thrace Ensemble

194. Mrs. Robinson - Simon and Garfunkel

195. Soul Doubt - NOFX

196. Evil Woman - Electric Light Orchestra

197. Pow. R. Toc. H - Pink Floyd

198. Gypsy - Fleetwood Mac

199. The Show Must Go On - Queen

200. On The Run - Pink Floyd

Much better! Quick explanation/nerd alert: I think I just proved that VLC media player song randomization is not quite "random", but rather it has its own music preferences; it's a big fan of The Who, Queen, Radiohead, and Pink Floyd (who are also my favorite, great taste VLC!). Basically, my media player has similar taste to me, hooray! My fingers are tired now.

Art

I could stare at this forever!

Day 10 - Discuss your first love and first kiss.

I don't think I've ever been in love. Sometimes I'm scared by how much I might be able to love somebody. I don't want to lose myself. And yet I kind of do. I wish everybody could just be completely forthcoming. All these secrets and guesswork are confusing. Love is unexplored territory and must, therefore, be explored. But I'm not fit to make a rational decision regarding who I love. Anyone I think I love is given some sort of control over me. I don't want to be controlled. Love. Happiness? It's a fleeting idealization. Meaningless? Then what's meaningful? It might not last, but I'll get sucked into it, someday. Maybe I should begin the journey sooner, make a conscious effort, listen to my emotions instead of keeping them locked up inside my head. I must stop inventing obstacles. Obstacles can be overcome. Inaction can only lead to regret, but so can action, in its worst path, and that's maybe an even bigger regret. Leave me alone, world. I don't want to think about it anymore. I can handle life on my own...I think. My brain's circular reasoning never gets me anywhere, so I never do anything. But what would I do if I were to do something? I don't want to play games...

I have reason to believe that Lady Gaga has repeatedly ripped off the Mighty Boosh.
Maybe I'll blog about it someday. [update: now I have!]

Now I'm just getting video-post happy. Tee hee!



These videos were what I consider love songs.

Onto my first kiss. I was at a frat party. Great party too! It had a live band which played "Shout!" at one point. The floor was shaking. Very cute, possibly very drunk guy walked over to me. We danced, and kissed. Then he walked away. No big deal. I thought I would regret it later, but truth is, I didn't. It was fun, nothing special. Just fun. The first time I kissed someone I actually liked - it was kind of the same deal. It was all my idea, and I just played it off on being drunk later (which was actually true, except for I certainly wouldn't mind making out with him when sober either). And on that cheery note, I bid thee farewell.

Day 09 - How you hope your future will be like.

The grammar in the title of this blog makes me cringe. Also, I sort of already answered this question in a previous post - I hope my future will involve travelling into outer space, sentient robots, and ewoks (or any alien life form, really, except for the highly destructive ones - sorry, Borg). I am really excited to see what new technologies will unfold and how society will evolve. To think that just a little over 100 years ago, the first cars were invented - not that cars have changed too particularly much since then (where is my hovercraft dammit?!?) - but it just seems like an ancient time. Some things I am particularly excited about: virtual reality, brain-wave controlled user interfaces, artificial intelligence, tele-immersion, commercial space travel, quantum computing, the unraveling of string theory. In the last decade alone, leaps and bounds have been made in these areas, so, you know...any day now.


Don't believe me? (note: this video is ~ 4 years old)
V[You might want to turn off your sound for this one]V



How about now?

A lot of the technologies I mentioned deal with the creation of a virtual world, and I suppose it makes sense to fear that world, because if people can experience anything in their own personal bubbles, then why would they want to deal with the often-uncomfortable real life? However, I do not think that any technology will make humans completely lazy, or detached from the world around us, because we are a part of that world. And part of emerging technology, such as the Virgin galactic video above, will make the real world even more connected. Imagine being able to travel to anywhere within a couple of hours, even faster than a plane. Ideally, (sci-fi alert!) we'd even come up with the technology to coordinate tiny wormholes between two points, and somehow manage not to get ripped apart on the molecular level by the force of gravity. Instant travel to anywhere. No more waiting/pleading for years just to be able to see my extended family/friends. Fantastic!

As for my personal future, a bit of stability is all I ask for, and a bit of adventure. Preferably set somewhere in California, Europe, or Japan.

Day 08 - Your ideal date.

First, we go on some big outdoor exploration along secluded riverbanks, grassy fields, birds chirping, clear blue skies, sun beaming down on us, nature's obstacles: our playground, hand in hand, laughing and sharing everything that comes to mind. It gets dark; we return to a cozy spot where we play videogames, or share Internet things, or whatever, and finally we release the day's built-up emotional closeness in physical rapture, at which point both of us feel like it wouldn't matter if there were no other people in the world, as long as we had each other. And then we're tired, so we sleep, and the next day everything feels like a dream.

 

mhm

Day 07 - Your zodiac sign and if you think it fits your personality.

I don't know if Aries pride parades exists, but if a large enough group of Aries were to organize and run rampant in the streets, I daresay the stampede's wake of destruction would have lasting effects on human history, the burrowing of our ram hooves (yeah we have them, but they're hidden...just like the horns) deep enough into the earth until its topology permanently changed, if that is what we put our minds to. Because from what I've seen, we Aries can be scary-ass people.

not to be confused with scary ass-people

My parents/grandparents always liked to attribute certain aspects of my character to my sign - stubbornness, extreme motivation to do something once I put my mind to it, my natural curiosity - all very Aries of me. I even have several necklaces with rams on them, which always invoke a tinge of innate Aries pride when I wear them. To be honest, though, I'm not nearly as much like my sign as I used to be. A lot of aspects of my personality - my drive to succeed, my highly competitive nature, constantly needing to be the best at everything, aggressiveness - have vanished over the years, sometimes reappearing in small doses, such as when playing Internet flash games, but never in the things that matter. Even though it might have overwhelmed some, I miss that fire inside me, now a doused little pile of smoking ashes, which I have to constantly keep fanning in the hopes that it will one day reignite. I don't know, maybe it's not that the fire is gone, it's just elsewhere - my motivation is never in the normal games of life (work, societal success, relationships), because those games aren't fun anymore. Videogames are really so much better!

Day 06 - Write 30 interesting facts about yourself.

A bit of a break in between posts - dramatic effect for the suicide post if you will, since had I (since I alone do) visited my blog during any of the last few days, I may have wondered whether the lack of new posts was indeed indicative of my ultimate demise. But not to worry, me! I simply had a lot of work, and did not really feel like writing a long-ass blog post regarding 30 interesting facts about myself, since I'm not really that interesting. I tried to get motivation from(read: copy and paste) an old Facebook note with a similar subject, but found that it has become largely irrelevant. Nevertheless, I am lazy, and thus have carefully and surreptitiously amalgamated its contents into this blog post.


1. I am from Bulgaria (I lived there until I was seven, then moved to California) (I recently heard this being described as "soooo weird", so I guess it must be interesting)

2. Therefore, I am fluent in Bulgarian and can write in the Cyrillic alphabet...kind of.

3. I like a lot of British things (eg Pink Floyd, Queen, Radiohead, Muse, IAMX, the Mighty Boosh, The IT Crowd, Russell Brand)

4. Sometimes I think in a British accent, but if I try to verbalize these thoughts, I fail miserably.

5. Maybe this is why I actually like IB most of the time.

6. I grew up with/am obsessed with Final Fantasy VIII (but have also played and really like I,II,IV,V, VI, VII, IX, X, Crisis Core and Tactics)...Tomb Raider is another favorite.

7. I have a PlayStation emulator, loads of music, and Doom II on my server space at school.

8. My school computer privileges will probably be revoked any day now... :(

9. I forgot what I was going to write here.

10. Sometimes I talk a lot and end up rambling about something nobody really cares about.

11. Other times, I try to formulate a well-thought-out comment, and end up saying something incredibly stupid which, at the time, I think is the cleverest thing ever said.

12. The most disappointing time in my life was when I didn't get a letter from Hogwarts the summer after I turned 11. Or when I wasn't magically swept away to a garden to complete SeeD training by 15.

13. I like to go on walks without a destination in mind.

14. I usually get lost and end up at Harwood Jr. High, which is ironic because I always try to get as far away from there as possible.

15. I'm STILL not done with my college applications.

16. Now that I'm a Senior, I think back on the past 5 years, and wish I'd gotten to know a lot of people better...I guess there's still time!


(ahem...time compression and black holes and swirling and AAAAAAAAAAAH)

Let's do it again!

17. Now that I'm a Sophomore in college, I think back on high school and feel old.


18.Yet I still view adults (ie anyone even remotely over my age) as adults, as in, big scary people who one must be nice to and respect and whose sagacious ramblings must be remembered as life lessons, no matter how asinine they may be. Or else.


19. On the other hand, I sometimes indulge in a bit of "you young whippersnappers! Why, back in my day..." myself.


20. I guess it all started last summer when a random small child addressed me as "that lady", the naive utterance of a magical incantation which suddenly transformed from Pippi Longstocking into Baba Yaga.

Youuuuuuuuuuuth

21. I am a pathological procrastinator, a compulsive Google-er, Internet addict and somehow manage to exceed my allotted 20GB of network usage every month.

22. I stalk people on Facebook a lot. Even people I don't know. But I've read that this is normal, so I'm ok with it.

23. I love discovering music/books/movies/TV shows that I can add to my collection of favorites 

24. I'm kind of a Trekkie

25. My day is not complete unless I've done or said something which makes no sense whatsoever

26. If left in my natural state, I become nocturnal 

27. When on a nature walk, I always go off the trail. This makes me feel like Lara Croft.

28. Someday I WILL live in California again, the question is whether it shall be as a hobo or a super-awesome successful person.

29. No truly interesting facts about myself can be revealed in list form because this format puts me on the spot, as if I HAVE to suddenly know 30 (or 14) interesting things about myself, which makes me panic, because I don't know if I'm interesting enough to be able to quickly think of that many things, and I don't wanna waste all damn day on this dumb blog post, because I have more interesting things to do (which must therefore mean that I am in some way interesting, and is therefore an interesting thing about me, right?!?).

30. I'm done, bitches!