I don't think I've ever been in love. Sometimes I'm scared by how much I might be able to love somebody. I don't want to lose myself. And yet I kind of do. I wish everybody could just be completely forthcoming. All these secrets and guesswork are confusing. Love is unexplored territory and must, therefore, be explored. But I'm not fit to make a rational decision regarding who I love. Anyone I think I love is given some sort of control over me. I don't want to be controlled. Love. Happiness? It's a fleeting idealization. Meaningless? Then what's meaningful? It might not last, but I'll get sucked into it, someday. Maybe I should begin the journey sooner, make a conscious effort, listen to my emotions instead of keeping them locked up inside my head. I must stop inventing obstacles. Obstacles can be overcome. Inaction can only lead to regret, but so can action, in its worst path, and that's maybe an even bigger regret. Leave me alone, world. I don't want to think about it anymore. I can handle life on my own...I think. My brain's circular reasoning never gets me anywhere, so I never do anything. But what would I do if I were to do something? I don't want to play games...
I have reason to believe that Lady Gaga has repeatedly ripped off the Mighty Boosh.
Maybe I'll blog about it someday. [update: now I have!]
Now I'm just getting video-post happy. Tee hee!
These videos were what I consider love songs.
Onto my first kiss. I was at a frat party. Great party too! It had a live band which played "Shout!" at one point. The floor was shaking. Very cute, possibly very drunk guy walked over to me. We danced, and kissed. Then he walked away. No big deal. I thought I would regret it later, but truth is, I didn't. It was fun, nothing special. Just fun. The first time I kissed someone I actually liked - it was kind of the same deal. It was all my idea, and I just played it off on being drunk later (which was actually true, except for I certainly wouldn't mind making out with him when sober either). And on that cheery note, I bid thee farewell.
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